I love the frankness of this writer and how she seeks to bring into question the ways KINDNESS can be seen as a single action rather than a giving of yourself to another. There's a RECIPROCITY in genuine kindness, it requires a willingness to offer assistance and then a LISTENING to the shape that any required assistance might take. It asks us to offer without any sense of the outcome and to be open to the potential of a clumsy, awkward encounter OR of your offer being rejected.

The article focuses on unsolicited help - there is also though the other side of the coin which is the experience of people 'looking the other way', when confronted by a person with disabilities and a world not made for them.

As the carer for a non-verbal young woman with a wide wheeled mobility walker which is much wider than the average doorway to cafes, shops - anywhere really, I am constantly astonished at how rarely people offer assistance. A room full of people pretending to not notice the chaotic dance of the door, the walker and two struggling people trying to "fit IN".

If I directly ask for help, - usually the person jumps right in and usually follows with - "I wanted to help, but just didn't know what to do and didn't want to make things worse....."

And there's the gap. This idea they Know (as is the experience in the article) or Don't Know what is needed. What is needed though is the GENEROSITY to NOT know but simply to ask the question - "Can I help?".

By asking the question - an offer is being made, an offer that can be taken up or let go of. It's putting the ball in the court of the person you're making the offer to - there's dignity in this version. It's genuine KINDNESS.

OFFERING. LISTENING. RESPONDING. It's a dance between us, that can be nuanced, delightful and so, so easy.

Access and read the full article HERE

Reflection by : Leisa Shelton